summer

it's very warm at the moment. not steaming, it is dry, like the heat when you first open an oven and stand in front of it. it's pushing all around you, touching in every part, until your hair hangs lank on your neck, damp from sweat, and you wake again, near sleepless nights.

i'm not sleeping at the moment. by which i mean, i asleep for a relatively normal 7,8 hours a night. i'm both working on doing this, intentionally, and finding myself less tired. i am trying to push past ten thirty every night - cooking helps, writing does too, reading, talking to people on the phone... moving pictures on the screen just make me doze. television makes me limp inside - i mean, yeah, one or two episodes of something, once a week, i am fine with. but any more tv than that saps out my will to move, or live, or create. it makes me feel so old inside, and slow and dull.


my kitten called, purring at a book exchange at me. we're planning a possible meeting in a tiny country town filled with books. i am going to try and bully the kitten into going to alice springs with me. there will be bouncing.

i finished 'the brief wonderous life of oscar wao', which was... i don't know. i felt no emotions for the characters more than a bit of a slight sympathetic touch. not a poignant twist when things happened to destroy or enlighten them, just.. well, a detachment. the writing, also, was nothing new, or spectacular, or anything old and particularly grand. it was fun, don't get me wrong, and i finished it - i don't bother finishing books that i get nothing from - but i don't feel like i'm taking anything deep from it. not that it's easy to say, i'll need to give it time. reflection is proving that it created the atmosphere wonderfully - there were moments of real evocation where you could smell it. but the detachment was there, when i felt it needed intimacy. still.

strangely, 'the sea, the sea,' despite the fact it was boring me, has dug in quite deep, and my mind reflects in that iris scented ocean often.

i'll go back there, soon, i think.

and now, for more order and organisation, and places. my brain fascinates me, this ebb and flow and desire for sense that floods me, from time to time.