day

along with what seems to be many people, i dislike valentines day.  not with a passion; i am fairly indifferent to it, actually. it just strikes me as stupid, and false, and not a genuine way of one human being expressing to another that they care, for any other reason than it is A Day where this is What We Do.  it's not special or lovely, just dull and, well. silly.

last valentines day, i was given a home made card.
a few weeks later, i broke up with him for being a child.
he told me we could make it work, so i tried, but one week later, he changed his mind, broke up with me, started dating someone else that evening, and
a month or so later, they were engaged, and she was pregnant.

ha.  so, forgive me if my faith in love is far from devout.  he is just a bad taste in my mouth now, a massive, ugly, old mistake i never should have made. but i do not trust Declarations of HUGE Epic Devotion, or of the Passion and Love and Fullness of Adoration. i find them wanting, and as though they hide something else. the more words you need to use to tell me something, the more likely it's not being communicated properly, or you don't really mean it.

i would rather nothing was said than a lie, and i would rather be alone than be with someone just because they felt romance and passion was beautiful, irrespective of the situation, or because they were too scared to be alone.   

i can see Creepy Man, (my neighbour) in a pair of shorts and nothing else, sitting on his computer. he keeps leering across the courtyard in my direction and it unsettles me. 
morning yoga was brilliant, left me feeling more alive and awake than i did before. finally finding exercise i enjoy has been a long painful process. i am glad i have.